Punk rock piercing artist, turned settled down dad. I was a piercing artist working in tattoo shops for years and getting drunk and into fights at hardcore shows. Now I work retail management and asset protection, I try to live clean and spend my days hanging out with my son Liam, born on 07-14-2011.
An open letter to 3 tumblr dads
I have spoke to you three men in messages and in person now and thanked you for what you have done for myself and my family. My family and partners family not only know of you but know you by first names. I feel even knowing you all on a first name basis makes me special. Special is the key word really, feelings I haven’t felt my entire life. I don’t have guy friends really, I didn’t have my father growing up, all the male influences were negative except my pops. I lost him less than 60 days before the summit and lost all hope of almost everything positive. I have Catrina and of course Liam, and they are beautiful and amaze me, but the last and only male figure I had was gone. I jump around with my thoughts and feelings a lot since that is how they come out of me now, because you all have somehow managed to help me find a voice for my feelings. I started this blog to have thoughts and photos of my son for the future but then realized I was given a platform of sorts after a small boost in the popularity game of Tumblr. I was able to connect with and see all kinds of parental views and situations that were like mine. I met young parents, old parent, gay and straight parents, trans parents, queer and polyamourus parents, single parents, married parents, teen parents, parents that struggle with mental and physical illnesses, parents with foster children, and parents that have yet to have a child of their own. I found out that struggle no matter what kind for parents could be found and in turn find support.
I felt like I belonged in this realm of parents of all kinds putting their hearts, souls, and fears of the present and future in the public view. My voice grew stronger and more confident from all of these people around me, but you three made the personal connection of speaking privately and in public comments and reblogs supporting things of mine. I was encouraged to fight for what I believed in and take my voice to another level at the dad2.0 summit. I was only able to do this because of things you all did. When I got there something happened that I had not planned, I was accepted with open arms. I was told things by each of you that stuck out, things like expanding my horizons, not prejudging the ones I felt were the enemy and to listen as much as I wanted to speak. I was able to not just read these words and helpful pointers but get them face to face with not internet filter to hide the rue sincerity behind it. I learned so much before the summit from you friends, and twice as much the little time I spent with you in person. Now I understand the summit more than ever, not only was it this big brand representative meeting and blog bragging gathering but a place for people like me to connect with other people like you. I built stronger friendships I believe and a stronger inner and outer voice.
Thank you David ( thedaddycomplex ), Kipp ( lazydad ), Kenny ( electradaddy ), and anonymous benefactor of the meeting, for being friends, role models and a positive influence helping me steer my journey into fatherhood in the right direction. Anyone that thanks me for anything I have done have you to thank.
My friend Kat over at trans-parenting sent me a very nice, encouraging note, and with it a few questions…
1. Since you are Punk Dad, what is your quintessential punk album?
ooooo tough one.
I am going to go with Rancid’s - Let’s Go.
I love every single song on the album, which was almost entirly written by Tim Armstrong. It was produced by Brett from Bad Religion. The song sidekick on the album was because Tim had dreams he was going on adventures with wolverine… awesome. It was Lars’ first album with Rancid and my first “punk” experience that wasn’t Seattle grunge and indie rock. I think people will love it, i is a fun record and non stop action.
2. Who are your favorite dad bloggers on Tumblr?
I have a post in the making about this topic. I can tell you that TheDaddyComplexLazydadElectradaddy and DesigingDaddy were my first experience with dad blogs, and I owe a lot to them, for “breaking me in” to open honest talking with a bit of funny thrown into the mix. I look up to them the most and when I have had a problem or question I have gone to each one of them about things before.
3. What is your dessert of choice?
Since the past few months I have gone sugar free things like desserts are tough. I made these “fat bombs” to eat for breakfast because I never have time to eat and they kick my day off right with a good amount of fat and protein to start my day with a little energy. (recipe isn’t exact because I never do anything exact)
2 tbsp coconut oil, 2 tbsp butter, 2 tbsp all natural nut butter, 2 tbsp unsweetened cocoa powder, 2 tbsp sugar free vanilla syrup, and 4 squares of 96% Lindt chocolate. I melt it and mix it in 30 sec intervals in the microwave, then pour into a small cupped muffin tin. Place in freezer and BAM you got peanut butter cup fat bombs. Like 3carbs per piece, and a lot of fat, super tasty but the fat makes it melt fast so store them in the freezer. (If you google peanutbutter fat bomb you’ll find a better recipe I am sure)
Probably the most famous dad with a blog that actually speaks to me, and 99% of you already know who he is. But he is a big supporter in every way of my campaign. His messages direct me in the right way of thinking because he has been there (dad2summit) and normally pulls the weight and waves the flag for the off color pops. If you haven’t watched an episode of fighting with babies and sit there talking about “convos with my 2 year old” you are jumping on a funny bandwagon, but like the Chicago Blackhawks fans you are new to the Detroit Red Wings having the all time reign of awesomeness. Go to his Youtube, you’ll see. He is always supporting me in every way possible to reach my goal of attending the summit
Besides having huge contests with massive marketing partners that can give away things like concert tickets to BON JOVI (I didn’t win but i am sure a bit of a straight laced mom needed that more than me), they are the ones making all those crazy parenting infographics you see. The comparisons of a Baby to Godzilla (not the knock off T-rex), The guide to baby sleep positions (which is a book now!), and the new “Fart Chart”. The website they run is more How to Be a Cool Parent than anything, and I do consider them cool even if they are the typical good looking dads you see on TV commercials (jealous, yes I am). They gave my funding site a big shout out today on twitter that made my face turn red!
thedaddycomplex said:Don't know if you've covered this before, but what was your dad like? Did he influence the way you parent (for better or worse)?
Glad i am drinking a little bit. My biological dad wasn’t around for very long. When I was born he was pretty well into a cocaine habit and a bit of a loose canon, not very physically abusive but very short tempered and would do thins like throw furniture and the actual fridge through the front window once. My mom left him, and i didn’t see him again until I was 13 when he came around for a week on a road trip with his dogs and a football for me. I was super excited the 2 days I spent with him, before he disappeared without a goodbye. Later that year I was informed he died of a massive heart attack and a brain aneurysm. I think about him every so often because I only have 2 memories of him, playing catch with a football and his 2 dogs playing with me in his van.
I have had 4 step fathers with various physical abuse, sexual abuse, and emotional abuse committed against myself and my mother to where I don’t consider myself ever having a true father.
So I really believe I am learning as I go, and most of the things I learn come from people like you, Lazydad, DesigningDaddy, and Electradaddy. Dads I look up to and go to for advice.